As a parent I always am in awe of my children. I hear all the time “you are such a great mom”. I have to be honest, I felt everyday like I was failing. I was going through the motions of life and was not able to keep my head above water. As a single parent to two active preteens, I did not realize how much I was neglecting my own mental and emotional health. I was not invested; I was stressed, and angry all of the time. It got so bad that I just stopped talking to anyone including my kids. I would take them to practice, take them to school, attend their events but when we would come home, I went my way and they went theirs. I no longer knew them and did not realize the damage it was causing. This month my daughter Aysha who is 11 years old decided that she wanted to tell her story to help not only parents, but also kids her age to speak up even when they feel like no one is listening. Here is her blog Journey to Recovery:
I have been bullied since the third grade for the way that I look, the way that I act, my loud voice, my personality. You name it; I have been teased about it. It got a little better over time, but this year has probably been the hardest year of my life. Not only did I not fit in at school, I did not fit in at dance. People that I thought were my friends really weren’t. It was hard and almost too much to handle. It has made me realize some things about myself and about others that I probably did not want to know. I did not really know how to handle the situation at all and felt like I didn’t really have anyone have my back. I did not trust anyone at that moment and the last thing I wanted to do was tell my mom. At first, I thought she was just going to freak out and tell the principal and then it will just start more drama. I obviously did not want to go through that. I also hated knowing that I felt like I was alone and I was in a state that I didn’t really have friends. I didn’t really have any real friends and knowing that, I didn’t want to talk to my mom. The moment I realized that me and my mom had a rocky relationship was when I realize that I couldn’t talk to her about the bad things that were going on in my life. At first I didn’t really think much of it until things took a really big turn. I ended up isolating myself and I realize that I really did not want to be around people.
I made a choice to tell my mom somethings that I had been keeping a secret and to my surprise, she did not freak out, but listened to me. Then that is when I learned I could trust my mom and what she had to say. I just had to open my mouth and talk about it. I was holding onto embarrassment and believing all the bad things people said about me. I had to know that I was not alone and I was happy that my mom found someone that I could talk to besides her. One thing that I learned is that I had to forgive myself before I forgave my mom. I had to let go of the past and focus on the present. And yes it was really really hard at first but over time it ended up getting easier. At the end of the day, I realize that I can talk to my mom about the hard things and the good things that happened in my life no matter what. Even if I want to talk to her about it or not, I know that I need to.
So a lesson that I would definitely tell people who are dealing with the same situation that I am is to just talk to someone they trust. This could be your parents, your grandparents, your aunts, your uncles, or even a teacher. I know it is easier said than done but trust me at the end of it all you will not only help your mental state but also help your relationship with your parents. Something that I struggle with for a while was thinking that I was so alone and believing that no one had my back. Come to find out that someone who had my back was right there in my house the entire time. I feel like at the start of me and my mom‘s relationship, I was so busy doing dance and school, while she was so busy working that we lost the connection between each other. What I needed to do to rebuild that bond was to actually hang out with her and actually say yes to things. We now listen to each other and this was our journey to recovery. What will yours be?